Go back to your own country, motherf*cker

I love it here, don't get me wrong. Yesterday was one of those days tho where I couldn't help but focus on the bad stuff - which isn't how I usually roll.

We had a good day walking the promenade from Tel Aviv to old Jaffa and seeing the old city and port - a place that's been inhabited for millennia. 

We saw st. Peter's church, the ruins of a Canaanite temple, some lovely cats prowling through the park. We visited the flea market and all the crazy awesome tourist shops.

Yet through it all my mind stayed focused on one line. One sentence said to me on the beach the day before. 'Go back to your country, motherf cker.'

We'd been approached by a homeless man asking for change in hebrew, but the intent was clear, we had none and say so. As the man shuffled off he muttered that line.

It's possible that's the only words he's picked up in English and might not even know the full meaning, but I doubt it. He knew what he was saying.  And it stuck with me.

I am homesick, I miss my family and my cats and knowing where I fit into my surroundings. Here, I am a fish out of water. I feel out of place, pale and white, surrounded by olive, deep, rich skin tones. I don't know the language and people here have learned English to accommodate people like me -to make it easier for me to be here. Is that fair?

What have I done to reciprocate?  Yesterday it didn't feel like much.

There have been people here genuinely interested and happy to see people from other countries - yesterday in a shop a man was asking us all about snow and rain in Canada.

He was very curious and I'd wished I'd brought along my tablet with pictures of Canada on it to show him.

Last evening as we met up with our tour, our guide said to us he was going to show us the holy land as it is for the people living here and those who come here - because the holy land is for everyone.

That sure feels a lot more welcoming that the man on the beach. I wonder if I can hang on tighter to those words, instead of the others that made me want to run to the nearest plane and take off. 

We leave Tel Aviv today, heading to Nazareth for a couple of days. I expect them to be intense as we learn to travel as a group and leave a city that dispite some of my grumpy thoughts as begun to feel like home.